A deadly trap…

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Fearing people is a dangerous trap,
but trusting the Lord means safety. {Proverbs 29:25}

So I’m in Pennsylvania for my mom in law’s graduation—she’s graduating with her masters in biblical counseling, the same major that I just graduated with, how cool! It’s heavenly here. I have never been here in the spring before and it’s gorgeous. The Harrison house was built in the 1700’s and there’s nothing else like it. It’s so unique, from the old antique furniture to the springhouse outside that was used in the 1800’s for refrigeration. The house is surrounded by an old English style garden and a stream; it makes you feel like you’re miles away from anything. Waking up here was so relaxing; I can’t explain it other than there was such a magical feeling of serenity about the place.

The first time I was here was winter of 2009 and Jack and I weren’t even dating yet. SO much has changed since then. I remember worrying about how to ask for coffee in the morning in light of the fact that I need coffee to function when I wake up and Jack’s mother is the healthiest woman I know; she hasn’t drunk coffee since she was in college! And with me wanting to impress her I simply couldn’t fess up to my coffee addiction. But how was I going to get my coffee in the morning? I couldn’t impress anyone if I was having caffeine withdrawals! I woke up the next morning determined to find a way to solve this life dilemma. Aha! I found a couple of those Starbucks instant coffee packages in my purse! Now something to put it in… The room I was staying in was connected to the laundry room so I started my search for a mug in there. Why would there be a mug in the laundry room? Of course I came out empty handed. But, there was laundry detergent, and the lid from one of those could do. I washed the soap out, turned on the water as hot as it would go, dumped my instant coffee in and chugged back the “coffee”. It was disgusting. I gagged. But I had my coffee fix. I walked down the stairs to greet Jack and his parents feeling slightly silly and a little bit like a junkie.

About a year later, after Jack and I were engaged, I told him and his family that story and they laughed and laughed. It is quite hilarious, but looking back I can’t believe I didn’t just ask for a cup of coffee. At the time I wanted to project to them someone I was not. It’s not like they would have hated me because I drink coffee! It just seems like sometimes I care wayyyy more about what people think of me than what God thinks about me. And not just in this specific coffee situation, in many others too.

I don’t want my life to be controlled by what others think of me. There’s no freedom in that. And Christ died to give me freedom. The verse I quoted tells me that if I fear people I will fall into a trap. This trap is insecurity, anxiety, and misery. Instead of caring so much about what others think of me I should focus that energy into knowing God more and discovering how He thinks about things.

This morning I asked Jack to brew me some coffee and I drank it while sitting at the kitchen table and talking to my mother-in-law. Wow, things have changed a lot. Of course I still struggle in this area but I know that it only brings insecurity and bondage. So by God’s grace I will instead focus on pleasing Him. I know by doing this I will achieve the freedom for which Christ died for me to have.